Hare and Tortoise: The Aftermath

Sunrise over the Smokey Mountains

I’m sure most of you are familiar with the Aesop’s Fable The Tortoise and the Hare. Where the Hare loses his race with Tortoise. Why? Because he’s over confident and stops along the way to take a nap. He over sleeps and ends up losing. Moral of the story - “Slow and steady wins the race.”

But do you know there is another story about Hare. About what happened to him after the loss to tortoise. I know, because it’s a joke I made into a parable.

You see, Hare was very distraught after he lost the race. He kept trying to get a rematch but tortoise kept saying “You lost and I won.”

All the other animals in the forest poked fun at Hare. They laughed and shouted at him. “Mister speedy Huh? You can’t even beat a Tortoise.” “Why would I race you, your just a slow poke.”

One day, a dejected Hare, found himself walking along the highway. His head was down and he was trying to think of a way to get the rest of the animals to stop teasing him. When “Whoosh!” A car sped buy. Hare stopped. “Whoosh!” Another car. “Whoosh,” yet another. He stood watching as car after car zipped past. Then Hare had a brainstorm. A real hare brained idea. “What if I were to race a car?” He wondered. Then everyone would see how fast I really am. “Whoosh!”

So, hare stood there, waiting for just the right car. Whoosh! One car zipped by. Whoosh! Another. And then, there it was big black Cadillac tooling down the road towards him. Hare started to get excited. He would show everyone how fast he was. He hunched down into running stance. “Oh boy” it got bigger. “Almost” And bigger. Then Hare thought. “Instead of running along side the road to prove to all the animals how fast I truly am, I’ll run lickety split across the road in front of it. This would show them.”

He turned, put his ears back and yelled. “READY, SET, GO!”. He was off, lickety splitting in front of that big Caddy. When WHAM. Hare was hit. He flew into the air. Hare bounced off the hood. Hare bounced off the roof, He bounced off the trunk and splat, landed in the street. Hare gave up the ghost.

Spirit Hare found he was hovering over the street watching as the car’s driver hit the brakes, screeching to a halt. The driver threw open the door and ran over to Hare’s lifeless body and picked it up. Cradling Hare’s lifeless body he sat on the curb. “Hare, what is the matter with you. You know better than to run out in front of a car!”

Just then, another car stopped and a woman got out and ran over to the man. “Are you OK?

Hare continued to hover over the scene. “I’m ok, but Hare ran out in front of me. I hit him and he’s dead.”

“Oh, no! Hare’s dead”, said the woman. “Wait, I have an idea.” She quickly ran to her car and came back with a big purse. She reached into her purse and pulled out a can. She popped the top off the can and began to spray Hare back and forth.

Hare watched his body begin to tremble, muscles began to pop out in his legs. Spirit Hare began to tremble. Suddenly Spirit Hare whooshed back into his body. Hare opened his eyes. Hare jumped out of the man’s arms. He shook allover, then he hopped, stopped and waved. Hopped, stopped and waved. Hopped, stopped and waved until he disappeared over the horizon.

The startled man looked at the woman and said. “That’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. What is in that can?’

“Oh this. This is my hair spray. See it says right here on the can. Brings lifeless hair back to life, with full body and  continuous wave.”

So, the next time you see Hare, remember to wave.

A funny joke. Yet, I think my own fable. I see myself as the Hare. I was sleeping through my life during all those years of drug and alcohol use. I can never know who I would become if I had lived those years sober. On a more positive note, I am happy with who I have become.

My rebirth experience came as a culmination of failed marriages and other relationships. I was angry that I couldn’t figure it out. I was even engaged again to a single mother. In my struggles to understand my life, I read Anne Wilson Shaef’s Escape from Intimacy which impressed me so much, I attended a Ann Wilson Sheaff workshop on relationships. It was over a July 4th weekend in 1993 at a mineral spring in Montana. The workshop was drug and alcohol free. I stopped drinking on July 1.

As all the attendees began sharing their stories, I was told flat out that I would never have the kind of intimate relationship I wanted until I got sober. The light bulb went off in my head. With their help, I called Hazelden to find out about their 28 day program. This is the part where Hare watches as the woman shows up and sprays him with her hair spray. Where he gets help. I never could have gotten where I am today without help.

Finally, Hare is given new life, filled with a renewed strength and energy as he hops off into the distance. Did Hare understand the lesson he was taught. I’d like to think he did, but Hare being Hare, it is doubtful.

It was suggested that I fly straight to Hazelden, but I felt I had responsibilities that needed to be taken care of first. I had two cats that needed caring for and I was working for Lakeshore Athletic Club in Chicago. I had been there since 1983. My boss was very supportive and the club got my insurance to pay for the program.

I found I was angry. Angry at myself, father and all the movies and commercials that supported this addiction. I stayed sober during the two weeks it took me to enter the Hazelden’s 28 day program.

As of this date 9/15/25, I celebrated 33 years of sobriety on July 1, 2025 Or 11,764 days.